As I sit here and think about all my friends running Boston this weekend, excited for their experience and ready to cheer them on, I am once again plagued by the Doubt Demon that likes to slither up into my brain and take over.
"You'll never be able run a marathon! Look at your friends running, they are REAL runners. You're NOT a real runner!" It will whisper and echo throughout my head.
"Why not? I can train, I know what to do, I love to run..." I respond with as much conviction as I can.
Then that nasty creature starts to spill all it's horrible "truths" to me...You're not fast! You're not strong! You're old! You won't commit to the training, and on and on it will go.
I know that on days like this running will become almost impossible for me. Too often the poison of this demon sabotages my strength and will. I know that this weekend of running will suck, and to make matters worse my schedule makes it easier for no running to happen.
I try to shift my thoughts...
Three weeks from today, I will run a half marathon. I know I am stronger than last year! I can feel it throughout my body. We ran 10 miles last weekend, and I never really felt like I needed to slow down, stop, or walk. Was it a fast pace compared to my Boston qualifying friends. Certainly not! But it was MY pace, My rhythm, My confidence shining throughout my whole body and soul.....
Since I am not able to get out for a run today, that demon might be here for a bit, speaking it's poison to me, filling my head with doubt about my passion for running. However, I know for a fact that my mind will be quiet when I run. I know that soon I will shut it up and push it out as the ground moves beneath my feet... Until the next time it crawls back in....
