Just breathe and be imperfectly perfect..... Black Canyon 60k

Solo Adventure. I knew it was a possibility from the moment I signed up, but I had always the thought in the back of my mind that Caolan would be there and I wouldn't be completely alone. It didn't happen that way. She wasn't going to be able to go and that is her story: The Beginning: The Teacher Appears. For the first time, I was entirely on my own for an ultra distance race. No crew, no one to cheer for me, this one was all me, and I was terrified. What if I got lost? What if I didn't wake up in time? What if something went wrong? What if, what if, what if??? 

And then I took a breath.... 

I wasn't cut off from the world, I had ways to reach out if needed. So I took that breath and jumped into a grand adventure!

The first part of my journey went relatively uneventfully. I was able to easily rent a car for the first time, stop at Whole Foods, and then to the hotel to check in. Well, I tried anyway. I wasn't able to check in until 3pm so instead I headed off to the packet pick-up. Quick stop there, then off to the finish line just to get my bearings on where I needed to be in the morning. 

Finish Line the day before

Then back to the hotel to check in and get the key to my room. Ummmm....yeah no thanks! The first room I was given smelled like there had been a giant pot party and I got an instant headache. Went back to the check-in desk and asked for another room. Thankfully there was another available, so I settled in for the evening. Spent time getting my drop bag ready, "talking" to people on social media, and trying so desperately to get food in my stomach as I knew that fueling and eating before and during races is always a struggle for me.

Flat me! The sign that Andrea made for me would help keep my spirits up all day!

Some wonderful notes of encouragement from my co-workers

The next morning, of course I awoke before my alarms went off. This was actually nice because it gave me a bit more time to drink a bit of coffee and check on Facebook to read the birthday and well wishes that so many took the time to write. Then I packed the car and drove to the finish line where the bus would take us to the start.

On the bus to the start. A little SnapChat filter fun!

The starting line was cold and muddy. From what I had heard the 100k runners, who started an hour earlier were dumped on by some freezing cold rain. Just walking around caked up your shoes with the sticky mud that add pounds to your feet.  People were bundled up and cold and thankfully I had thrown on my fleece pajama bottoms over my skirt so that I was able to keep relatively warm prior to the start. 

Arcosanti: An Urban Laboratory and the start

The actual start of the race was very uneventful, Jubilee, the RD, was talking on the microphone, but I really couldn't hear here, so I'm not sure what she said, but then suddenly, 3, 2, 1..... we were off!

The first two miles were on a frontage road along the highway, behind the gas station, and then under the bridge to the creek crossing. Now normally, that creek doesn't have much water, but with all the rains they've had it was more of a mini rushing river. The banks were slippery and shoe-sticking. I followed the lead of many and took my shoes and socks off. It was too early to get the feet really wet, so it was worth the extra minutes to take them off, cross the river  (which was thigh-deep and VERY fast) and then reassemble myself on the other side.

I slowly ran along the trail and to be honest, it felt much slower and harder than I would have liked to. Maybe it was the elevation? Maybe the wind? I don't know, but I was slightly concerned early that the effort felt like way too much effort. Okay, breathe...you're okay. You will deal with what lies ahead and get through this. 

I'm not sure where, somewhere between mile 5-7 suddenly, I heard the distinctive sound that was not rain, but sleet (even though I call it hail on the video). It stung my face and my legs, and then I looked out over the desert. 

Thankfully, I had my rain jacket, so I threw on the extra layer for a bit to try and keep my clothes dry and my body warm. I continued to plug along until Antelope Mesa which felt like forever! At this point I realized I was only 45 minutes ahead of cutoffs and also already behind on calories, so I tried to eat something (Fueling issues would once again be a theme for my day). Just as I was getting ready to leave another downpour of hail, again the jacket was on, but my poor legs had no protection from the sleet. 

The section between Antelope Mesa and Hidden Treasure went pretty uneventful, aside from a few mountain bike riders coming up behind you and tearing up the still muddy and sticky trail. The trails were single track, with some switchbacks as you descended down out of the high desert and the cacti started lining the trails. 

There were few runners near me already, and I played leap frog with a few of them as we came into the next aid station. My spirits were down a bit at this point, because I was feeling much too tired for only being 13 miles in and knowing that I had so many more to go. The aid station workers must have sensed that because suddenly the whole aid station broke out in a song of Happy Birthday to me. It was just what I needed to get me going again. So with a bit more pep in my step, filled water bottles, and a cup of pickle juice, I was off to the next aid station.  

The point in the course just past Hidden Treasure was the best part of the course. It took you along this winding trail along a ledge dropping down to your right. The ups and downs were frequent but you could run quite a bit of it too. There was also a slight reprieve of the wind here and the sun was allowing you to finally start warming up enough where you thought, maybe I don't need this extra layer underneath (I was glad later, not to have taken it off). At this point, you have seen the same familiar faces and you begin to strike up conversations. I spent a bit of time with Claire from Canada, but she was fighting some serious ITB issues and had said just starting the race was a win for her. She had already decided she was going to drop at Bumble Bee Ranch as she could not do the downhills any longer without pain. It's always hard to leave someone behind when you know they're struggling, but then you still know you have to run your race too. She bid me good luck and off I went. Then I caught up to Kelly and Joel, who were just moving along the trail, so I fell in line behind them. In hindsight, this was a very good thing. Even though, I could have moved faster than that, I was feeling a bit nauseous, wonky, and off, so slowing my pace and working at getting some calories in was a very wise decision here. 

Sometime after Hidden Treasure Mine Aid Station

We continued down the trail for a while and always seem to get excited when we saw a sign for an upcoming aid station. However, I would note that the signs were way too early, as it seemed to take forever to get to the aid stations after that. 

We made it into Bumble Bee, and by the looks of the crowd and cars, well actually lack thereof, I knew we were so very far in the back of the pack. Breathe! It's okay. The upside of that, is that it was easy to spot my drop bag, since there weren't many left. I grabbed a few more gels and packets of Skratch which went into my pack. I also decided that my shoes were serving me well, so a quick re-lube of the toes (Trail Toes rocks!) and a change of socks and I was ready to go. The aid station food is a bit after the drop bags, so I walked over there and again couldn't decide what/if I wanted to eat, but I saw the Coca Cola in little cups along with some pickle juice.  Downed a few cups of Coke and some more pickle juice and I was ready to head off for the second half (actually this was more than halfway!)

As I started the big climb out of Bumble Bee, I saw Joel not too far ahead. I caught up to him and started chatting again. At this point we decided, we'd stay together for a bit, since it was a long climb and neither of us could run uphill.  I took the lead because the Coke worked wonders and I felt better (note for the future: liquid calories, especially Coke, and Honey Stinger Bites). For these climbs in the race, my power hiking serves me well. I kept a really good pace going up, Joel was able to keep up and we was able to make up some time, I no longer felt pressure about cutoffs. I know, I was never really in any danger of it, but it's always in my head because if something did go wrong, the time would have mattered. I also realized at this point I forgot to grab my headlamp, so now I HAD to finish in daylight hours. Breathe and handle it!! 

This was my second favorite part of the course, as I finally got to get up close and personal with the saguaro cactus. Apparently they only grow at certain altitudes, so we must have finally gotten down low enough to see so many of them.  Poor Joel couldn't look up though, because every time he did he caught his feet, and neither of us wanted him to fall off the sides of the trail and down the sides. This section was short, so it felt nice to get to the aid station so quickly after some very very long stretches. 

Saguaro Cactus field

Gloriana Mine was a bustle of activity! Since the high water course was put into effect this was now the 51.2 mile turnaround for the 100k runners.  We arrived around 2:10pm and the fast runners were coming through. I saw Schuyler Hall (from Run Flat Stay Low) and knew that some of the elites hadn't come through yet since he was filming. So as I got refills on my bottles, more coke, and more pickle juice, I asked him who was in the lead and how things were playing out, just because I was curious how it was going for the Golden Ticket.

Once again Joel decided to keep sticking together as long as both of us were feeling about the same. This was a really long section before the next aid station, and probably some of the hardest for me. The single track with a ledge on one side made it tricky as there were people coming at us and from behind us. We kept having to step off to the side to allow the 100k runners through, but it was very frustrating and I was feeling pretty crabby at this point. I couldn't understand why everything felt uphill and I really couldn't run more than 50 steps before I was walking again. 

During this stretch, Joel and I talked about our jobs, our families, the fact that Joel's daughter was doing the 60k as well and would be waiting for him at the end. I also found out that Joel would be celebrating his 70th birthday this year and the farthest he had ever gone was 30k! He thanked me for helping him and I was sure he knew that he was helping me along too! 

Joel, at almost 70 years old! Amazing!

This section was so very difficult for me mentally though, but each time I would start getting really upset, some 100k runner would come from behind and say "passing on your ____ oh and Happy Birthday!" That made me smile each time and I was reminded on how grateful I was to be out here doing what I loved, and that I could be out here. I will no longer take that for granted and I reminded myself over and over to run/walk happy and be grateful for the things I am still able to do. 

So I continued on, with Joel just slightly behind me. Runners and dune buggies passed us and I said "Good Job" to everyone that passed us coming to or from the turnaround. At this point, I met up with another runner (I wish I had gotten his name), who was having a hard time and knew it was going to take a long time for him to finish. We talked for a bit, he was dealing with an ITB issue as well and could no longer do downhills. But then he also shared that he had just been cleared about 5 days prior to the race from his cardiologist.  He had been side-lined for around 3 months because the doctors found some thickening of his left ventricle and were trying to determine the cause. He was just thankful to be there to experience the race and would finish somehow. I said my goodbyes to him and wished him luck in the rest of his race.

After feeling like I was climbing forever, I got to the top of the jeep road. Joel and I looked at each other with a look of relief and said, "Ready? Let's run..." and we did. We ran down the hill for a very long time. My legs were thankful for the change and even if I wasn't running fast, I was running and for that I am one again grateful. Finally, the road started leveling out again and Joel and I caught up to Kelly. She had left us long ago in Bumble Bee, so I was shocked that we caught up to her. So the three of us were once again in our little congo line just ticking through the miles to the next aid station.   

Soap Creek Canyon aid station. I don't think I was so happy to see an aid station as I was at this moment.  I had run out of water and was just dreading the fact that I had over 5 miles left. So I filled up both bottles with fuel, grabbed some more pickle bites and chips and was ready to go. Then somewhere from the crowd I hear, "Only 4 miles left, well really only 3.9!" I swung around, "What? You have to be f'in kidding me right?!" Nope! Apparently I didn't look at the new cutoffs with the high water course, and all day, the aid stations were not at the mileage that I thought, so I now had less than 4 miles to go! I would be finishing in the daylight, and I had a chance of getting under the 9 hour goal, that seemed to have disappeared miles and miles ago! The only thing between me and the finish was road running and one more section of trails. 

Now, with as much time training on the road for this race, you would think I'd be sailing through this section. Nope! My feet no longer liked any pavement and I was quickly brought down to a run/walk along the highway. It wasn't scenic by any means, but that no longer mattered. I just wanted to see that finish line. 

The thing about running in the desert though is that you can see the aid stations and think you are close, but then you realize they are so very far away. They play tricks on you because you can see them, you go back around a corner and they disappear, and then you come around another corner and they're just a bit closer. This happens for a very long time, over and over, and I think it happened at every aid station. So you never knew how close you really were. 

Finally, we turned off the highway, up a road and into the park that twisted and turned. This is where I had my first glimpse of the finish. I don't know where Joel and Kelly went at this point, because all I could think about was the finish and getting there. Tunnel Vision had taken over with just the end goal in mind. After so much twisted and turning within this little park, I come out on a dirt road and head down it, suddenly there's a quick turn and the finish line is there. I was done! I had finished it. I was handed my medal, threw it over my head, and turned to look to see Joel finish. A quick hug, a congratulations, and he was gone with his family. I was alone again to find my stuff and decide what to do next. 

After moving for so many hours, I quickly started getting cold, so I just wanted my bag. Of course I couldn't find it right away and by the time I did. I was shivering. My only thought was trying to find a place to get some food. I decided that Freak Brothers Pizza and a beer that I had gotten from some random stranger would have to do for dinner. It took a good 35-40 minutes to get my pizza.  I was so cold at this point I tried warming up with a cup of coffee but I was shivering so much that I couldn't hold it without it splattering everywhere. I tried warming up in the car, then went back to standing at the finish line where I was able to thank Jamil Coury for an amazing race on my birthday.

Finally, I drove back to the hotel, showered, warmed up, ate cold pizza, drank a 1/4 of the beer and responded to all the comments on Facebook for my birthday and the race. I was okay. Actually I was more than okay. I was not just alive, but I was living. I had done something I never thought I would or could do. I had an adventure on my own in a place that I knew no one. It wasn't perfect, but it was imperfectly perfect. I had celebrated life in a way that many think is crazy and unfathomable, but it is part of what makes me, me..... 

I want to thank the people that helped my along my journey. Without people to inspire you, believe in you, put up with you, and share the journey with you, the journey would not be complete. Thank you to my hubby for supporting me, dealing with the long hours away training, and loving me unconditionally. Thank you to Caolan, for being my best friend, my mentor, my inspiration, and my coach. Thank you for helping me to cultivate the confidence and ability to do things that scare the shit out of me and believing in me, even when I don't. Thank you for being there this weekend when I know how difficult it was for you. Thank you to Riyanti and Jenna for being my friends, my running partners, and my tribe. Thank you for allowing me to vent, panic, calm down and just get it done. You all me the world to me and my thank you will never be enough....

“Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.” 

― Salvador Dali