Why don't we celebrate ourselves like we celebrate others?

Running is sometimes a strange sport. It's one of the few sports where the elites and everyone else run the same course at the same time and are given the same amount of time to finish. Your results are listed in the same place as all the top elite athletes. If you allow it to get in your head, it can create a stark comparison of your performance to theirs. You can think that you suck, well at least I think I do. 

The following bits are from conversations that I've had since running the Black Canyon 60k last week. 

Q: How was the race? 
Me: It was good! I mean I guess it was okay. I finished, but I wasn't very fast and it was really hard for me. 

Q: How far did you run? 
Me: It was a 60k, but we really didn't run that far because they had to change the course the race. So I guess I really didn't do a 60k, so I shouldn't say I did. 

Q: How long did it take?
Me: The race took me almost 9 hours. But that was really slow. I finished way slower than most and pretty close to last.

Q: How did you do in the race?
Me: I did okay, but I finished near the back, so I really didn't do very well.

Q: Congratulations! That's amazing that you ran that far!
Me: Thanks, but really I didn't run very much. I had to power hike a lot of it. 

So many buts.......

Why am I sharing this? Because I know I can't be alone in these feelings. I can't be the only one who has the voice that always comes out to diminish your accomplishments every single time. I'm afraid if I feel really positive and proud of my accomplishments, then I'm bragging. People don't like braggers, it's not a favorable characteristic to have. I know last week, I did my absolute best that I could. Were there things I could have done differently? Absolutely! If there's not a lesson to be learned or something that went well that you could just improve on, what would be the point on continuing these crazy adventures. 

I'm not writing this for people to say I shouldn't feel how I feel or to tell me how silly thinking like this is. Believe me, I know I'm a work in progress. I'm learning things about myself, that I probably should have learned about forever ago. 

I'm still growing and learning; getting to know myself. If you're not changing or growing through each adventure, struggle, success, or change in your life, then you've stopped being a human being, and as Caolan says, you become just a "human doing." 

Until then, I am giving myself permission to have my feelings, process them, and then move on with a new perspective. I am also giving myself time to recover and reset myself both physically and mentally. I haven't done much this week except for rest, recover, eat, sleep, and be with my family without the need to be on a training schedule. And I am trying very hard to be okay with that. However, that is part of another lesson.....